It's In His Kiss (That's Where It Is)
by freelancetada
Summary: A joke leads to finite heartbreak. (not WestAllen! Post-Reverse-Flash and post time leap) One-shot.


"Iris, I can't-"

Then her lips were on his. Barry's eyes drifted closed, his hands instinctively moving to cradle her jaw while he stepped in closer. As soon as he started to relax into the kiss, though, Iris pulled away. Face flushing with something akin to embarrassment, his green eyes opened, locking with hers in a most questioning way. It was almost as though he was holding his breath, awaiting her response to what had just happened. The girl he'd loved since before he knew what the word even meant had kissed him. It was the content of many a dream he'd had, but the reality wasn't playing out in quite the same manner.

Hope bubbled up in his heart before he could urge it not to. Would Iris confess to him that she'd felt something in that kiss-something he'd expressed to her as having felt? Telling her the truth about his love for him at Christmas had been easier than he would have imagined. Truthfully, his conversation with his father at Iron Heights had probably lent him some courage. Barry had felt so much guilt over not being able to catch the Reverse Flash, and had therefore blamed himself for his father remaining imprisoned. 15 years of his life had been spent behind bars for a crime which he was not responsible. Those years had affected both of them in such a way that, if prompted, Barry wasn't sure he'd be able to explain it to anyone. That time hadn't just been wasted-it had been _stolen_ from them, by the Man in Yellow.

There were tears forming in Iris's beautiful dark eyes, and Barry felt his stomach twist in an imaginary knot. He couldn't stand to see her upset. Even worse, he didn't know if the reason for the tears boded painfully for him. Either she felt the same way and was preemptively hurting for Eddie when she would tell him their relationship wouldn't work out, or she was hurting for her best friend in preparation for admitting she didn't share his feelings. Okay, maybe he was sort of holding his breath. Barry had spent so much of his life pining for this girl. In all honesty, he never told her how he felt because he was afraid he'd lose her, too. The idea of her not being a constant in his life caused a not-so-dull ache in his chest.

"Barry, I..." She drew off, and reached for his hands with hers. Not sure what she was going to say, but dreading it all the same, he couldn't turn down the gesture and wrapped his fingers around hers. He realized that she'd stopped speaking just as a wary, but hopeful half smile had made its way onto his face. Letting the expression fall into something more serious for the conversation, he waited for her to continue speaking.

"...I didn't feel anything." Iris admitted, before dropping his hands a few seconds later. "Now can you _please_ just...let this go?"

There it was. Barry had received his answer. He felt so many things right now, among them heartbreak and anger-not anger at Iris, but at himself. He hadn't intended for her to take his suggestion seriously. It had been mostly a joke while they'd been watching some sappy movie, Barry claiming that all anyone (the characters) had to do to find out if you loved someone was to kiss them. At first, she'd gotten mad at him, getting off of the couch and turning sharply on her heel after he followed her into the other room. She'd then faced him with a fire in her eyes that had never been directed his way. Iris had then launched into a series of words, expressing her frustration while accusing her friend of not being able to let this go. She told him that she was with Eddie, and that this love-struck thing wasn't fair. 'Don't make me feel like the bad guy for telling you no!' She'd expressed.

He must have looked entirely shocked at her outburst, because Barry's eyes had widened, his jaw going slack for a few moments before his expression read similar to that of a kicked puppy. Avoiding her eyes, he nodded, trying to apologize for his joke. What had caught him off guard had been her challenge. "Fine, Barry. Do you need me to prove it to you? Close your eyes."

She'd stepped closer, and he'd stepped back-he'd kind of _forced_ himself to step back, in all honesty. Even though she was coming from a place of annoyance and frustration, her eyes had burned in a way that made Barry take every effort not to close the distance himself. Instead, he got characteristically tongue-tied, telling her he couldn't. Then, she'd kissed him.

Now, he knew the truth. Iris hadn't felt anything-no spark or love in his kiss. What made it hurt all the more was that he had. While his heart effectively began to fracture and ache, Barry tried with all his might not to show how truly hurt he was. It wasn't as though Iris had to love him back, or that he deserved for her to. It all just felt so finite, and sudden.

"...I'm sorry." He eventually choked out, immediately putting the blame and guilt on himself-for ever thinking that he could come out of this unscathed, and for ever believing that he was worth the love that he wished Iris felt for him. As he moved back away from her, the sound of the front door opening reached them. Joe entered the room, surprised to find them just seemingly standing in the entryway, his mouth readied to ask what was going on. "I have to go-work." Barry nearly bumped right into his foster father after he said that, tears blurring his vision as he righted himself and descended the front porch steps.


End file.
